Bade Miyan Chote Miyan review: Tired tropes, blasphemous dialogues and subpar acting makes this one a dreadful watch!

In the desire to hop on the action-thriller bandwagon, Bade Miyan Chote Miyan falls flat with its unoriginal narrative and lazy cinematography!

Bade Miyan Chote Miyan review: They say on a film set everyone works towards one single goal and that is bringing out the best version of the story. The cast and crew of Bade Miyan Chota Miyan don't seem to have done that. Right from the direction to the acting and the dialogues, there is unanimity and consistency in being a head scratcher from the first frame to the last.

The film revolves around Freddy (Akshay Kumar) and Rocky (Tiger Shroff), two court martial army captains. Here’s how they like describing themselves- the former’s ego is his biggest talent and the latter’s talent is bigger than his ego, whatever that is supposed to mean. Their entry scene is a montage of slow motion shots of them doing ‘manly’ stunts according to them. The duo is then briefed about their next mission and the name of the mission is decided by the title of the film, streamed by the afghanis at that moment, which was the Govinda and Amitabh Bachchan starrer, ‘Bade Miyan Chote Miyan’. A rather weird way to pick a name for a mission but what was even weirder was the way they made a mockery out of an army brief session. Tiger Shroff is supposed to have bad humor throughout the film but a true lack of self awareness is what his character and the movie really had. Dialogues like ‘terrorism mein bhi nepotism’ are supposed to be funny and of course such films are incomplete without a few sexist jokes thrown here and there casually. When they reach Afghanistan to rescue the hostages, one of the hostages actually tells them to go kill the terrorist instead of rescuing them because 'aisa mauka fir kab milega'. It is unrealistic on so many levels. After killing the terrorist who said India is only capable of feeding him biryani in jail, Akshay Kumar says ‘Now we won’t waste biryani on you anymore’. Yes, this was just the first 20 minutes of the film!

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The main plot is that Kabir (Prithviraj Sukumaran) has stolen a top secret defense weapon, Karan Kavach, and deactivating it can allow neighboring countries like China and Pakistan to shoot missiles on us. There is an entire flashback sequence on why Kabir went rogue and when his villain origin story began but we won’t get into that because honestly it was never ending and felt like a TV serial where melodrama is the main character. I am also not sure why, in the whole film, Prithiviraj Sukumaran tried so hard to be like Batman but actually ended up speaking like he hadn’t cleared his throat. Regardless, to stop him from deactivating the Karan Kavach, Freddy and Rocky are sent to find him but Captain Misha (Manushi Chillar) and computer genius Pam (Alaya F) also join them on this venture to help them out. Manushi Chillar and Alaya F are two extremes on the acting scale, one has a stagnant expression for every emotion, be it fear, anger or even happiness. And the other is shown to be this bubbly girl when actually she just needed to calm down. 

For an action film, it is understandable to spend a good amount of time and money on the high octane action scenes, but in this film, it feels like it was shot on a handy cam and barely focuses on one thing at a time. The action itself looks like a bunch of tired, done and dusted ideas put together. Ali Abbas Zafar takes scenes from his previously successful films like Tiger Zinda Hai, Bharat, Bloody Daddy and sticks it to this one too but just because all of them worked does not mean this will as well. And here’s where I realized that the film actually isn’t an action movie; it’s a comedy film packaged to look like a blockbuster. If you find it funny when the main leads defy physics, logic and teleport to countries in two minutes, then this movie will actually be a treat for you. 

But make sure you clear half a day’s schedule to watch this movie; it felt that long! Especially the climax where Tiger Shroff’s character was actually asked to use his brain instead of his biceps and even then he typed in the password painfully slow to stop the worst from happening. There are films that have an impact on you and then there are those where you can leave your brain outside the theater and simply enjoy but this falls under neither and even an Akshay Kumar, known for his impeccable comic timing,  and a Tiger Shroff, known for his built body and martial arts, cannot save it from sinking. 

Bade Miyan Chote Miyan is currently playing at a theater near you!

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